Anxiety Relief for Kids: Simple Steps to Fostering Resilience and Confidence

Gordon Gooding
2 hours ago
7 min read

A Parent's Guide to Navigating Change

Change happens. Every. Single. Day. Our children are currently growing up in a world that has too much information coming at them - way too often and way too loudly - in addition to the various everyday challenges of growing up here on Long Island. As a school social worker for 30 years, I have witnessed our children’s feelings of being overwhelmed and anxious dramatically increase with the development of digital and cellular devices, social media, and other continued changes in our world.

Every day our kids face huge challenges such as family divorce or separation, grief, relocating to a new school, and various other big life obstacles. They also face much smaller challenges like adjusting to shifting friend groups, facing new academic or sports-related challenges, and so much more. Regardless of the size or scope of the challenge, our children are often overcome with worry, anxiety, fear, and even panic in these moments.

Safety and stability are essential for our children's social, emotional, and academic well-being. Changes, traumas, and transitions impact us all in very different ways. It can be normal for children to feel anxious, confused, or even sad about the changes.

During times like this, parents play an important role in helping children feel supported and confident. Allowing our children space to process their emotions while offering reassurance can help them build resilience and “grit”. With the right support, this challenge can also become an opportunity for our children to practice empathy, leadership, and adaptability. How we support our children through moments of high stress, anxiety, or disturbance is critical to how they develop and grow into resilient beings.

Anxiety Relief for Kids: Simple Ways Parents Can Help

Foster Resilience

1. Talk Less, Listen More: Building Trust through Active Listening

It is essential we create a dedicated space and time for our child to share their thoughts, feelings, anxieties, and confusion about the changes they are encountering, whether related to school, family structure, friendships, or the world at large. By really listening to our kids, we build a foundation of trust and psychological safety, teaching them that their voice is valued and that their emotions are safe with us.

As a parent, really hearing and listening to our children in a world full of our own distractions and hectic schedules can be quite a challenge. We can be the listener they need by listening without immediate judgment or interruption, allowing them to fully articulate their experience and perspective without feeling rushed or minimized.

If appropriate, use open-ended questions for clarification by asking questions that invite them to share more context without leading them toward a solution.

Additionally, practice Active Listening or Mirroring by reflecting back what you hear them saying to ensure you've understood and to encourage them to elaborate.

Here are some simple examples of ways to practice active listening and mirroring with your child:

"What part of this is the most difficult for you right now?"
"Could you tell me a little more about how that affected you?"
"So, what I'm hearing is that the new schedule is making you feel rushed?"
"It sounds like you're most concerned about the fairness of the decision."

2. Validate, Validate, Validate: Acknowledging Childhood Emotions

It's important to let our children know that their emotions make sense, even if their reaction seems out of proportion to the situation. What may appear to be a small event to an adult may feel like a very big or overwhelming experience to a child.

Furthermore, acknowledging a child's current feelings doesn't confirm the reality of what they feel is happening. The feeling itself is true, but the belief that a friend is mad at them, for example, may not be true at all. Validation helps our children feel seen, understood, and accepted. When our children feel acknowledged, it strengthens their connection to us as caregivers and makes them less alone in their feelings. Ultimately, validation creates a safe space for them to process their emotions effectively and manage their anxiety.

Here are some examples of ways to practice validation with your child:

"It sounds like you're feeling really unsure about what happens now. That's a totally normal way to feel."
"I know this is a big change, and it's okay to feel a little bit [scared/nervous/confused] about it."
"Tell me more about what's making you feel that way / what's going on."
"Thanks for sharing that with me," or “Thank you for telling me that.”
"This is a lot to process, AND I want you to know I'm here to support you no matter what you're feeling."
"Change can be hard AND I will do everything I can to help you through this."
"I understand you are worried AND we'll take this one step at a time.”
"This must be exhausting to deal with every day,"

3. Focus On the Good: Shift from Worry to Solutions.

Remind our children that the adults in their lives, including parents, family members, teachers, coaches, and others, are here to support them. Help them look at what they can do in a situation as opposed to focusing solely on challenges. Challenges are something we can get through together.

In order to support our kids during moments of anxiety or fear, start by helping them focus on finding their supports. By identifying safe people and resources in a new environment or circumstance, you can increase their sense of security.

Additionally, celebrating and acknowledging "Small Wins" will encourage children to recognize and reflect on positive moments from their day, which helps build confidence and resilience. Finally, once you've listened closely, gently pivot the conversation to the present or future by helping them to start focusing on solutions. This subtly shifts the focus from offering your solution to helping them identify their next step.

Here are some simple examples to help you redirect your child towards solution focused and forward thinking thought patterns:

“What went right today?”
“What was better today than yesterday?”
“What is something that you managed well today?”
"What would a helpful outcome look like?"
"What's the very next step you want to take?"
“What are you most looking forward to tomorrow? Next week? Next month?”

4. Avoid the Urge to “Fix It” For Them: Building the “Resilience Muscle”

One of the hardest tasks as a parent is to watch our children struggle or face discomfort. My girls are in their 20’s now and I still want to “fix” things for them. It is our instinct to "jump in" and try to prevent them from feeling the pain the world brings with it. When we immediately try to solve the problem or reassure too quickly, children may feel their emotions are being dismissed. Additionally, each time we jump in to help prevent our children from facing hardships, difficulties, or challenges, we deprive them of the opportunity to grow resilience and grit for the next time. Resilience is a muscle that needs to be worked on and grown. The more practice they have, the more equipped they will be for challenges down the road. As adults, we all need and depend on this skill.

Sometimes what our children need most is simply to know their parents are with them in the moment.

Our goal as parents is not to remove every difficult feeling for our children, but to help them learn they can handle those feelings with support.

Our children will face countless challenges throughout life; this can be good practice for the world ahead while you are still by their side.

5. Watch for Signs a Child May Need Extra Support: When to Seek Professional Help

Some children adjust to change and adversity quickly, while others may need more time. Children may have very different reactions to unexpected changes or even everyday challenges. This is not "right" or "wrong". Individual nervous systems react differently to adversity based on countless uncontrollable factors. Here are some questions to ask yourself when considering if your child needs extra support from a professional:

Are they experiencing chronic worry or increased anxiety since a specific incident?
Have they had any changes in their sleeping patterns?
Are they not sleeping? Or sleeping more than usual?
Are they still participating in social activities that they enjoy?
Are they still involved in friend groups and other activities?
Have you seen an increase in irritability or strong emotional outbursts?
Are they having a difficult time concentrating or completing tasks?

With children, some of these changes can be hard to spot or can be dismissed as

normal changes due to the hormonal, social, and emotional changes of developing adolescents. When you are unsure if this is "normal" or something to be concerned about, working with mental health professionals experienced with these ages can be extremely helpful. Many times your school counselors will have a list of local therapists that they recommend, and of course several of our team members at Gooding Wellness Group specialize in this area.

A Final Reminder

Anxiety, panic, trauma, and difficult transitions are a constant factor in our lives. It is always important to remember that our children are incredibly adaptable when they feel supported.

As author Jonathan Haidt notes in his book “The Anxious Generation”, children are "antifragile". Unlike things that break under stress, children are actually built to grow stronger, develop skills, and gain confidence when they encounter manageable risks, new adventures, and adversity. Our role is to support them as they navigate these new challenges, whether they involve a change of schools or other stresses that come in their lives. The goal is not to remove discomfort or challenges in our children's lives, but to remind them they can face it and persevere. Each time our children walk through difficult emotions or discomfort and come out the other side, their "muscle of resilience" grows and they are better prepared for the next moment of discomfort.