Navigating Teen Stress on Long Island: A Parent's Guide

Gordon Gooding
Oct 21, 2018
5 min read

Updated: Jul 19

A few years back, we explored the topic of how to support your stressed teen. With all that has changed since we first explored this topic in 2018, I thought that it was a good time to revisit the topic through a new lens. While some things have stayed the same, the stressors and world our teens are growing up in continue to be more complicated and challenging.

As parents, watching your child struggle with anxiety, depressive thoughts, or overwhelming stress can be one of the most difficult challenges we face as parents. It can leave us feeling helpless, frustrated, and sometimes even panicked. The truth is, anxiety in our kids is more than just a personal concern. It’s a growing national issue. According to the CDC’s Youth Risk Behavior Survey (2021), more than 40% of high school students reported experiencing persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, and nearly 30% reported poor mental health overall. At Long Island Jewish Medical Center in New Hyde Park, ER visits by adolescents for suicidal thoughts or attempts rose from 250 in 1982 to approximately 8,000 by 2022. Anxiety, depression, and stress-related disorders are increasingly common among adolescents, especially following the disruption, isolation, and social challenges of the pandemic years.

For parents, this rise in emotional distress has made the role of “supportive caregiver” even more complex. We want to help, but we’re often unsure how. When is it best to step in? When should we stay quiet? And how do we keep from letting their anxiety become our own?

While every family is different, there are some key strategies that can help us support our teens' emotional health while also keeping our own in check.

1. Check Your Own Stress Level

Are you running on empty, emotionally and physically, like many parents across Long Island? Are you constantly worrying about how stressed out your child seems, and is that stress leaking into your own behavior? Before we can be a steady, supportive presence for our children, we need to be honest about how we’re doing ourselves. Our kids take emotional cues from us. If we’re reactive, frantic, or emotionally shut down, they notice, and they may begin to mirror that.

Practicing our own self-care isn’t just good for us—it also models emotional regulation for our teens. Whether it’s taking a walk along the water, calling a friend, limiting screen time, or simply slowing down, small steps toward self-care can show our teens that managing stress is possible. You can say all the right things, but if they see you constantly burning out, they may assume that’s just how adulthood works. Show them a better way.

2. Be Observant (Without Being Overbearing)

Teens rarely come right out and say, “I’m anxious.” More often, their stress shows up in withdrawal, irritability, sleep disruptions, academic decline, or even physical symptoms like headaches and stomachaches. Are they continuing their normal routines and socializing, or are you seeing big changes in their routines and behaviors? It’s up to us as parents to notice these changes without immediately jumping into fix-it mode.

That starts with making room for curiosity and compassion. Are you noticing that they’ve stopped hanging out with friends? That their once-favorite activities no longer bring them joy? These signs don’t mean they’re “broken”—they’re cues that something deeper may be going on. Some kids need reassurance that your love is not conditional on achievement or perfection. They need to know that your support isn’t dependent on being the best athlete, student, or friend. It’s important to reflect on the pressures they experience and unpack whether they’re putting it on themselves, or if it might stem from some of our behaviors as parents. Sometimes, despite our best intentions, it’s best to give them room to grow independently and avoid hovering over them, making them feel like they’re doing something wrong. It’s also important to remember that we can correct behaviors without invalidating their feelings or making them feel less than. When teens feel seen and accepted, they are more likely to open up and accept help.

3. Let Them Talk… On Their Terms

One of the biggest parenting shifts during the teen years is learning to hold space without pushing. Many of us want to talk when we’re ready, but the reality is that teens will often open up when they’re ready, whether or not that’s convenient for us. This often means late-night chats as you’re crawling into bed or conversations in the car when you’re stuck in traffic on the Long Island Expressway. Take the opportunities that are presented to you.

Being emotionally available during these unpredictable windows builds trust. If your teen is venting about school stress, a breakup, or self-doubt, resist the urge to jump in with solutions. Start with validation: “That sounds really hard. I’m so glad you told me.” Giving them a safe outlet encourages them to process rather than suppress their emotions. We don't need to fix it for them.

Remember: those 10-minute conversations at odd hours might be more important than the heart-to-hearts you try to schedule.

4. Be Sincere and Encouraging (Even When They Push You Away)

On the surface, teens can be moody, sarcastic, and even dismissive. However, underneath, they’re often craving reassurance that someone sees them and hasn’t given up on them. If you’re worried about their well-being, tell them. Let them know you’re here for them no matter what. Keep reaching out, even if they roll their eyes or walk away every time. Your words matter.

I often tell parents, “Keep planting seeds, you never know which ones will take root.” It may take the 99th attempt for them to finally say, “Yeah, I do want to talk.” That’s okay. Your consistent presence lets them know they don’t have to face their struggles alone.

It’s also important to be mindful of how you offer praise. Instead of always focusing on outcomes (“I’m so proud of your A”), emphasize effort and character (“I noticed how hard you worked on that project. You should be proud of yourself”). This teaches them that their worth is not rooted in accomplishments, and that they do not need to over-achieve for you to be proud of them.

5. Let Them Struggle

This might be the hardest tip of all: resist the urge to rescue. This is so important I want to say it again, “RESIST THE URGE TO RESCUE”. It’s natural to want to shield our children from pain, failure, and fear. But when we remove every obstacle, we also remove their opportunity to grow.

Allowing teens to struggle with difficult emotions or experiences—whether it’s social rejection, a failed test, or sports disappointment—helps them build emotional resilience. As Mel Robbins puts it in her book Let Them, if we keep “crumbling” at the first sign of adversity, how will our kids ever develop the strength to cope with life’s bigger challenges?

Think of it like a muscle. If we never exercise it, we will never get stronger. Struggle is not the enemy—it’s the practice field for emotional grit. Your job isn’t to eliminate the struggle, but to be a steady presence as they work through it. Let them fall. Let them learn. Then, be there with empathy, not judgment, as they get back up.

5 Takeaways for Parents:

Model self-care. Your regulation sets the tone. Kids notice what you do more than what you say.
Validate, don’t fix. Teens need to feel heard, not micromanaged.
Be emotionally available on their schedule. Flexibility matters more than perfect timing.
Stay steady and present. Even when they pull away, let them know you haven’t gone anywhere.
Allow space for struggle. Emotional strength is built through experience, not avoidance.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you don’t have to navigate this alone. Our team at Gooding Wellness is right here on Long Island’s North Shore and we are here to support both you and your child through life’s challenges. For more information or to speak with one of our clinicians, contact us here or book a free consultation on our website.