From Empty Nest to Full Life: A Long Island Therapist's Personal Journey Through the Second Adolescence
- Margaret Lorenz, CPC, LCSW
- 6 days ago
- 7 min read
What I'm learning as both a professional and a mom sending her only child to college
This year, my only child left for college. For months, there were cardboard boxes tripping me in the hallway, a rush of goodbye hangouts, shopping for the dorm set up and panicked last-minute packing. Our last summer home together on Long Island went by so quickly. Suddenly we were by my car and I was saying goodbye, telling him how proud I was of him and how I knew he was going to love his new SUNY school. Then I got into the car and drove home alone.
I was right – the transition has been going well for my kid. He's making friends and enjoying his classes. He calls and texts to check in, everything has progressed smoothly. The best part? He's close enough that I can visit him upstate to watch the leaves change this fall – a different kind of autumn beauty than what we're used to in Cold Spring Harbor, but equally stunning.
But for me, the shift has been a mix of pride and sadness. I found myself navigating a change I knew was coming but was still not prepared for – now what? What am I going to do now? What is my purpose, what is my project?
I've guided many moms through "empty-nesting" at my practice here at Gooding Wellness, offering professional insights and evidence-based strategies to support them through letting go. But today, as I sit wondering whether it's worth it to make dinner just for me, I understand this transition in a completely different way.
This isn't just my professional experience talking anymore. This is my heart, my fears, my excitement, and what I'm learning as I walk this path myself.

Reframing Our Story: From Empty Nest to Bird Launcher
I want us to start by retiring that awful term "empty nest." Who wants to identify with something that begins with the word "empty"? Empty stomach, empty wallet, empty tank—none of these experiences sound particularly appealing, so why attach having our kids leave the nest to such a negative word?
Instead, I'm choosing to think of myself as a bird launcher. I've successfully prepared my incredible child for this moment. My nest isn't empty—it's accomplished its purpose beautifully. I have succeeded because he is ready to fly.
Understanding How This Affects Different Family Structures
Through my work with clients and my own experience, I've seen how this transition impacts families differently:
For Couples
Many of my married clients describe looking at their partner across the dinner table and thinking, "Who are you again?" For years, every conversation has revolved around the children—schedules, problems, achievements, needs. Now they must remember how to connect as partners, not just co-parents.
Some discover they've grown apart during the intensive parenting years. Others find this an opportunity to rekindle their relationship. The key is approaching this transition as a team, with curiosity and excitement. This is a time to reconnect and remember who you are as a couple.

For Single Parents Like Myself
We often experience this transition more intensely. The bond with our child may have been particularly close—they've been our daily companion, our focus, our primary relationship within the home. Without a partner to share this experience with, the silence can feel overwhelming.
But here's what I'm trying to remember: single parents also have a unique opportunity. We have complete freedom to design our next chapter exactly as we choose, without needing to negotiate or compromise with a partner. There are many possibilities to explore.
The Psychology Behind Why This Is So Hard
I want to normalize something: feeling sad, lonely, or uncertain during this change is completely normal. You're not broken if you're struggling—you're human going through a major life transition.
For many of us, intensive parenting culture meant that while it was exhausting, it also dramatically simplified life in some ways. Our children's needs took up most of the space in our brains, pushing everything else to the sidelines—questions of our own ambition, satisfaction, desire, and personal fulfillment had to wait. Now with my kid off at his university, I have room to explore what is important to me.
My Personal Do's and Don't’s Guide
Here's what I'm committing to—and what I recommend to my clients:
The DON'T’s: What I'm Promising Myself I Won't Do
❌ DON'T become a helicopter texter
Every time I feel bored, lonely, or just miss our frequent check-ins, I want to text my child. But I'm committing to the 30-minute rule: every time I want to reach out, I'll wait 30 minutes and do something for myself instead. That said, I have been able to speak to my kid nearly daily—he does reach out to me, I'm just trying to match his energy.
My child is not the solution to my emotional discomfort, and I refuse to make him responsible for managing my feelings about this transition.
❌ DON'T jump into major life changes immediately
As a single parent, I know there might be an urge to fill the void quickly—maybe through dating, moving, or making other big decisions. I'm giving myself at least a few months to adjust before making any major life changes.
❌ DON'T isolate myself
The quiet house could easily become a comfortable trap. I'm making plans to get out every single day, even if it's just for a walk around Huntington Village or a trip to the farmers market in Locust Valley.
❌ DON'T ignore the grief
I'm giving myself permission to feel sad about this chapter ending, even while I'm excited about what's next. Both emotions can coexist, and that's healthy.
The DO's: My Action Plan for Thriving
✅ DO leave the house once a day
Whether it's work, exercise, meeting a friend, or running errands—I'm committing to daily engagement with the world outside my home. Living on Long Island gives me so many options, from the beaches of the North Shore to the cultural offerings in nearby NYC.
✅ DO reconnect with friendships
I'm reaching out to friends I haven't seen much during the intensive parenting years. I'm scheduling coffee dates in Huntington village, planning dinners, and saying yes to invitations I may have declined when my schedule revolved around my child's needs.
✅ DO pursue interests I've put on hold
There are books I've wanted to read, places I've wanted to visit, skills I've wanted to develop. I'm making a list and committing to exploring at least one new interest each month. I'm even planning to organize a group to go to the NYC Halloween Parade this year – while my son will be at college Halloween parties, I'll be creating my own fun traditions.
✅ DO establish new routines that excite me
Maybe it's morning walks along the harbor, evening yoga classes, weekend visits to the wineries on the North Fork, or monthly theater subscriptions in the city. I'm creating structure in my life that reflects my interests and values, not just my child's schedule.
✅ DO invest in my physical and mental health
I now have time for that exercise routine, therapy sessions for myself, that meditation practice I've been meaning to start. Prioritizing my wellbeing isn't selfish—it's essential.
✅ DO model resilience and growth
My child is watching how I handle this transition. I want to show him that life is full of chapters, each one meaningful and exciting in its own way.
What Our Children Need to See
Here's something I keep reminding myself: my child is watching how I handle this transition. When I model resilience, growth, and the courage to reinvent myself, I'm teaching invaluable life lessons about adaptability and personal growth.
I'm showing my child that:
Life is full of chapters, and each one can be meaningful
It's never too late to pursue your dreams
Change, while challenging, can lead to growth and fulfillment
Independence and love can coexist in healthy relationships
Self-care and personal development are lifelong pursuits
When Professional Help Makes Sense
I want to be transparent about when this normal life change might benefit from professional support. Consider reaching out if you're experiencing:
Persistent sadness or depression lasting more than a few weeks
Anxiety that interferes with daily activities
Relationship problems that feel overwhelming
Difficulty making decisions about your future
Feelings of being completely lost or without purpose
Using substances to cope with the transition
Sometimes having a neutral, professional perspective can make all the difference in how you move through this change and create a vision for your future.
A Message to My Fellow Long Island Parents
While I'm going to miss my spontaneous dinner plans with my kid, late night movies, and sharing the latest gossip, and even our arguments about curfew, I am trying to reframe my perspective and view this change as an exciting opportunity.
I am excited about the freedom to make decisions based solely on what I want. Excited about pursuing interests I've put on hold. Excited about the possibility of travel, new friendships, and exploring more of what Long Island or the world has to offer. Most of all, I'm excited about modeling for my child what it looks like to be a fulfilled, growing adult.
I'm especially excited about the relationship my child and I will build as two adults who choose to be in each other's lives. And the beauty of him being at a SUNY school? He's close enough for weekend visits when we both want them, but far enough away to truly spread his wings.
This transition isn't about what we're losing. It's about what we're gaining: time, freedom, and the opportunity to become more fully ourselves than we've been in decades.
As parents, our second adolescence is beginning. Unlike our first one, we now have wisdom, life experience, and hopefully some financial stability to support our exploration. We get to ask the same questions our college freshmen are asking—"Who am I? What do I want? What's possible for me?"—but with the benefit of maturity and self-knowledge.
This isn't the end of my story or your story as a parent. It's the beginning of a new chapter where you get to be both a parent AND a fully realized individual pursuing your own dreams and interests.
Written by Margaret Lorenz, LCSW
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