Keeping the Holidays Happy (and Mindful): Finding Presence in the Chaos
- Gordon Gooding
- 6 hours ago
- 5 min read
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” Well… sometimes. And for some people.
Experience tells me that any time of year can be wonderful, depending on what we choose to focus on. As the pace of the season picks up, gratitude helps us slow down. It’s not just a holiday feeling—it’s a daily habit that restores calm, strengthens our hearts, and reminds us what truly matters.
Before the lines at the mall get longer and the to-do lists grow taller, take a breath.
Ask yourself:
What do I actually want to get out of this holiday season?
Do I want to chase perfection—or do I want to feel connected?
Do I want to do everything—or focus on what truly brings us and others joy?
Here are a few ways to keep the holidays grounded, mindful, and meaningful.
1. Presence Over Perfection
Many of us hold onto an idealized version of the holidays—perfect decorations, perfect dinners, perfect reactions to every gift. But the truth is, the most joyful memories often come from what didn’t go according to plan.
The burnt cookies. The crooked tree. The dog that stole the turkey. Those are the stories that make us laugh for years to come.
The pressure to make things “just right” often steals us away from what is right: being here, together, right now. Presence is what people remember, not perfection.
Things aren’t and will never be perfect. Rigidity leaves little room for flexibility in the present moment. No matter how hard we try, something will not go according to plan; that is just how life goes. We have a choice to stay rigid and unwilling to accept that things often don't go as planned, or we can decide to accept that things will not be perfect and “go with it”. This year, give yourself permission to let things be messy, human, and real. You may find more joy in the imperfection than you ever did in getting it all “just right.”
2. Appreciate the Little Moments
It’s easy to get swept up in the big picture of the holidays—travel, parties, shopping, family gatherings. But some of the best moments are the smallest ones:
The smell of coffee on a quiet morning.
A smile from a loved one.
A cherished Christmas movie or song.
The sound of laughter while wrapping gifts.
A walk in the cold air under twinkling lights.
A spontaneous hug from someone you love.
Instead of trying to absorb the entire season at once, slow down enough to savor these tiny moments of connection and calm. These are the ones that stay with us long after the wrapping paper is gone.
3. Remind Yourself, “We Can Handle Difficult Things”
As we mentioned, sometimes, despite our best efforts, things often don’t go as planned. Flights get canceled. Long Island traffic does its thing. Family members argue. Someone feels left out.
It’s okay.
The holidays can stir up a mix of joy, nostalgia, and sometimes sadness. But we are stronger and more adaptable than we realize. We are resilient! Even when plans fall through, we can still find small joys: music, connection, laughter, or simply the comfort of knowing this moment will pass.
Resilience doesn’t mean everything goes smoothly—it means knowing when something does go wrong we will be ok.
4. Rethink the “Shoulds”
The holidays often bring a long list of “shoulds.”
I should go to that party.
I should bake those cookies.
I should say yes.
But saying yes to everything often means saying no to ourselves. You can’t please
everyone—and that’s okay. We always have a choice.
There are things we want to do, things we have to do, and things we think we should do. It’s worth taking a closer look at which is which. You can still be kind, caring, and generous without overcommitting yourself.
Be deliberate with your time. Practice saying “no” with compassion. It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give—to yourself and to others. Because when we stop doing things out of guilt or obligation, we show up more fully for the things that truly matter.
5. Gratitude Is the Grounding Force
When life moves fast, gratitude slows us down. It shifts our focus from what’s missing to what’s already here.
As the season gets busier, gratitude helps anchor us. It brings us back to what matters most—not the decorations or the perfect table setting, but the people gathered around it.
Try creating a simple gratitude ritual:
Pause each night to think of one small thing that made you smile that day. Write it down, say it out loud, or share it with someone. The more we notice what’s good, the more joy we invite in.
6. Pause. Breathe. Repeat.
Before the next errand, email, or event—pause.
Take a breath. Unclench your jaw. Feel your feet on the ground.
The pause is where peace lives.
Even a five-second pause helps us reset and respond to life rather than react to it.
During a season that tells us to keep moving, the simple act of stopping for a moment can change everything.
7. Give Kindness Freely (Including to Yourself)
Kindness is contagious—and it starts with how we treat ourselves. When we extend compassion inward, we naturally have more to give outward.
Smile at the person behind you in line. Offer a compliment. Forgive yourself for forgetting something. Check in on someone who might be struggling. Each small act of kindness—toward others or yourself—creates a ripple effect that lifts everyone around you.
When in doubt, keep it kind. And remember: joy doesn’t just happen. It’s something we nurture through intention, gratitude, and connection.
In the End…
Each day of this holiday season offers a new opportunity to pause, breathe, and come back to the present moment. When we let go of perfection, embrace gratitude, and learn to say no to what drains us, we create space for what fills us up—connection, laughter, love, and peace.
Being present in this moment may actually be the greatest present we can give ourselves and the people we care about most.
If You’re Struggling
The holidays can be joyful, but they can also be lonely or overwhelming. Old patterns of thinking, grief, or expectations can surface. If this season feels heavy, please remember: you don’t have to go through it alone.
Reach out—to a friend, family member, or a professional. Talking about what you’re feeling is an act of strength, not weakness. At Gooding Wellness, our team is here to help you find your footing again—with compassion, care, and support.
Submitted by Gordon Gooding, LCSW and Peter Juliano, LCSW
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